Now that i have a blog, the terrorists have won.

Karl Rove once said to me "son, if you ever make it all the way to Alaska, make sure you say hi to Carl Kasel for me." I don't really know why he would say something like that to me, Carl Kasel doesn't even live in Alaska as far as i know; and even if he did, its a big fucking state and i would have no idea where to find him.

Either way, welcome to all three of you who will eventually find thier way over here, there is punch in the living room and burgers out back on the porch. I would appreciate it if you would wipe your feet on the doormat, it is muddy outside and we just had the carpet cleaned. Don't mind the dog, she won't attack unless you provoke her. Or if you are holding certain types of cheese.

Allow me to begin at the beginning. My asshole friends left me this summer to travel the world on thier parents pocket books. Actually, perhaps that isn't being fair to them, as i am fairly sure they are paying thier own respective ways; but the fact remains that they are all assholes. While they are off galavanting around the globe I am stuck here in the United States if America, a country I am growing increasingly impatient with, working 40 hours a week at a job I have all but stopped caring about. I am left here to fend for myself with my family, my girlfriend, and...well...the rest of my friends who DIDNT leave me for the beckoning of green pastures abroad.

In writing this blog i hope to accomplish a number of things: first of all to chronicle my adventures (as boring and un-european as they may be). My second purpose will be to act as a foil to my good friends Jeff, Frank and Greg's blogs. You see, Emily made a wonderful suggestion that I create my own blog, where I can make fun of whoever I want, using whatever language I want. So expect a large amount of editorializing on the above linked blogs, as I attempt to live out my friend's adventures vicariously. The last thing I hope to accomplish is to compile a list of food reviews embedded within my entries. Already, Kristen and I have explored the inner working of the DC food scene, and hope to continue. Since I feel the need to expose as many people as possible to my opinions, I figure I might as well write about food here.

So lets begin shall we?

Right now I am at work. I am sitting on a computer in a Microwave testing laboratory where RF communications equipment is brought to be tested and troubleshot. This is my third year at the same internship, and at this point I essentially operate independantly; trying to do as little work as possible to accumulate 8 hours worth of time charges per day.

So far this summer I have not done anything all that interesting. I have chilled in DC, chilled in Baltimore, chilled in Parkville, Towson and Phoenix. I have ridden my bicycle around the county to nowhere in particular and spent WAY too much money seeing crappy movies. Thats about it. I have plans to go camping a few times, and to at least one concert, which i will surely write about later. But for now boredom has sunk its ugly claws into my neck and refuses to let go.

Now, I will take a moment to write about Jeff. Since I can do as much of that as I want.

Jeff is an asshole fascist nazi loving scumbag. He enjoys strangling kittens and drowning puppies in his spare time. In fact, i once saw him go to the pet store, buy 100 puppies, walk 50 miles to an acid manufacturing plant, and then drop the puppies in one by one, masterbating constantly as he carried out his evil plot. He really is one sick fuck. Jeff hates america and loves terrorists. In fact, as we speak he is in Afganistan training terrorists in the ways of the computer engineer. Why do you hate America so much Jeff? WHy do you hate the country that would happily watch you die of a treatable illness, just because you happen to be poor? Unfortunatly Jeff is not poor. He has billions of dollars which he uses to make other people feel bad. Want that new toy truck? Jeff will happily buy every single one in a 100 mile radius and burn them with 100 puppies while he masterbates onto your ham sandwich and tells you it is mayo. Here is a tip: if you ever see this asshole on the streets you should punch him in the face.

Have a nice day everyone :)